


Softly Spoken

by TremblingHandsWriting



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Comfort/Angst, Deaf Character, Disability, Disabled Character, Light Angst, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Soulmates, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22681528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TremblingHandsWriting/pseuds/TremblingHandsWriting
Summary: Yifan plays the guitar and Junmyeon loved it.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Wu Yi Fan | Kris
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2019





	Softly Spoken

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 160  
>  **Prompt:** Au where your soulmate can listen the music you are listening to. Yifan,a song writer and singer write songs for his soulmate, hoping they will listen to them and meet him .But little did Yifan know, his other half is deaf. Junmyeon can never listen to the songs Yifan wrote for him, the music he made. They live next door but they'll never know who their soulmate is.  
>  **Pairing/Main Character(s):** Kris/Suho  
>  **Side Characters(if any):** none  
>  **Word Count:** 4,097  
>  **Warning(s)/Additional Tag(s):** Soft angst  
>  **Author's note:** To prompter, I wish I had more time to spare for this prompt because it is so lovely. But I hope this is enough offering to ease you of your comfort.

_Sometimes I think till it hurts  
_ _Turning my feelings into words  
_ _Oh, I just wanna make you smile  
_ _But if I ran out of words  
_ _I need these vibes_ _to be heard  
_ _Oh, everyone could use a smile_

*

It’s a stupid belief, really. But it has been proven to be true. Or maybe it became real because enough people believed in it. Either way, Yifan cannot find the strength in him to deny it nor completely put his faith in it.

You sing them a song from your heart – _of your heart_ – from any part of this world, anywhere, and they’d hear it. Your one true love. Your partner. Your destiny.

_Soulmate_

The guy next to him writes on a page of his tattered, palm-sized notebook, and Yifan chuckles as he nods.

‘Yeah, soulmate. That’s what they’ve been calling them,’ he repeats as his right fingers nip away the dying cigarette from his lips and crush it against the rusty metal railing of his balcony. Some of the ashes fall into the makeshift bed for onion springs he planted two weeks ago, and instantly (almost lovingly) he crouches and scoops the bits of ashes out from the dirt.

‘By the way, it’s been a while since I last heard you talk,’ he casually points it out, still scooping out the ashes, not realising that his back is now facing the other guy. A few moments later, he stands up and stretches his back, and turns to the guy expecting his response. All he receives is a slightly tilted head with a confused look on the guy’s face, and Yifan almost smacks his own forehead.

(but he didn’t because that would mean he’s pointing out the elephant in the room, and this guy hates that the most)

‘Dinner here? I have leftover sweet curry from lunch,’ he invites him instead, forgoing the initial question inside his head. The fingers in his right hand fold together into the shape of a tulip as he brings it closer to his open mouth.

The guy nods almost instantly and a smile that pushes up his apple cheeks appears, making him look as if he’s slightly blushing. But a few seconds after that, his head hangs low as he’s writing something inside his notebook; a short sentence.

‘Junmyeon?’ Yifan calls for his attention, and suddenly the notebook is shoved into his face.

_Add some potatoes in_

The writing said, and Yifan chuckles as he grabs the notebook from Junmyeon’s hand. He is about to flip a few pages back from the current one when Junmyeon snatches it back, almost nervously and writes another word on the same page from earlier.

_Please_

He bows, and Yifan tries to think about other things that could distract him from mulling over the fact that he just thought that this guy is too cute for his own good. Almost begrudgingly, he nods and Junmyeon seems overjoyed by it.

‘You have to peel and boil the potatoes first. Or else it won’t be cooked evenly with the reheated curry,’ he explains, left palm still facing upwards as his right hand turns into a knife, cutting on invisible potatoes.

Junmyeon nods.

Still, he speaks no words.

*

It’s not like Yifan wants to truly give in to this stupid belief, actually. He has his doubts about it. Like, until which level of clarity does the song reach the other person? What about songs that sound pretty similar to each other, sung by two different people, and both songs came from the hearts? Won’t there be a misunderstanding incoming?

But still, his mother found it, long after his parents split and he became estranged with his father. She first heard it when they were having dinner in a family restaurant when Yifan was 21, treating her with his first salary. She had laughed at how silly the guy was singing and when she saw that Yifan wasn’t laughing along with her, she asked if he didn’t hear the song.

Yifan knew the answer to this situation, so instead of finishing his overcooked lasagna, he pushed it aside and kept on listening to his mother describing how the voice sounded like inside her head. Pretty sure she fell in love right there and then, even when it actually took her and her husband a year to finally find each other. 

(He told them that he’s been singing to his soulmate ever since he was a senior in high school, but his mother told him that she only heard him since last year. He didn’t take it to heart, though.)

She’s now happier than ever, and Yifan loves to see her like that. Witnessing how his stepfather is treating her, pouring all his love and compassion for one person yet not drowning her with them, trying to understand her so much that he’s now pretty much a mind-reader – Yifan wonders if there’s actually a soulmate for him after all.

‘Hot,' he warns, blinking out from his thoughts as he sees Junmyeon reaches out for a medium-sized chunk of boiled potato. Yifan had just lifted them from the pot into the strainer in the sink a minute ago, and he wanted to let them rest first while he reheats the curry. 

But Junmyeon ignores him and goes for the potato anyway. Yifan hisses as he grabs Junmyeon's hand seconds away before it reaches the steaming food.

'Are you _de_... That's still piping hot! Do you wanna get burnt??' he yells, eyes bulging and gums showing as he practically growls at Junmyeon. Surprised as he’s being pulled away forcefully from the sink, Junmyeon turns around only to see Yifan breathing out heavily while his grip still strong on Junmyeon’s hand.

 _‘H-hoong?’_ he utters, finally letting his voice out and Yifan briefly notes inside his mind about how Junmyeon sounds more hoarse than usual. The pitch is slightly off and the word sounds alien as it glides above his tongue. At this point, Yifan has a sudden realisation that this is going to be the way Junmyeon is going to sound like from now on, and somehow he feels as if he's being poured by a bucket of ice-cold water. 

As if finally aware that he has spoken it out instead of writing it down, Junmyeon abruptly pulls his hand out of Yifan's grip and scrambles around, looking for his tattered notebook but he can't seem to locate where it is. In his semi-panic state almost borderline of going frantic, Junmyeon suddenly feels his wrist is back inside Yifan's strong grip once again. 

'It's hot. Be careful,' he repeats with simpler words and tries to utter them with noticeable movements of his mouth, but not too slow that it looks like he's mocking Junmyeon. Still holding on to Junmyeon's wrist, Yifan reaches for a smaller piece of boiled potato from the sink, blows on it a few times before finally bringing it to Junmyeon's lips for a taste.

'I think it's cooked enough. What do you think?' He asks, this time no longer holding onto Junmyeon's hand but tousling his hair instead.

Junmyeon doesn't think he wants to reply to that question with words, so he nods as he continues munching on the potato.

*

'I spoke with your mom yesterday,' Yifan casually informs as he takes a spoonful of rice into his mouth. Junmyeon watches as Yifan speaks, chews, and lets out ugly yet satisfied groans when the curry hits his taste buds. Only after that Junmyeon takes out his notebook and starts to write something, but Yifan stops him midway by rasp knocking on the table. 

'Speak. I can hear you, you know?' He assures while eyes probably drilling holes into Junmyeon's face, might even be slightly annoyed at the constant sight of the ugly notebook. Junmyeon thinks about it for a few seconds and then shrugs his shoulders; suggestion denied.

 _But I can't. Not anymore._

He writes and slides the book across the small dining table that can only fit two people at one time towards Yifan. Yifan reads the note, nods as if he's confirming his own guesses and traces the sloppy handwriting on the paper. Slowly, he lifts his face from the page and their eyes meet again.

'Since when?'

_Last week._

‘And you didn’t think it’s important to tell me about it?’

Silence, before Junmyeon holds onto Yifan’s arm with trembling hands, as if he is trying to apologise for a mistake that he wasn’t aware of making. On his left, the ugly notebook is opened to an empty page, still clean of any scribblings from Junmyeon. 

'...Your mom told me that you disappeared after the doctor’s appointment last week.’ Yifan tries to use an inquiring tone, a little superior than usual because it used to get Junmyeon tiptoeing anxiously around him whenever he did something wrong. _Used to._

Junmyeon purses his lips, and finally releases his grip on Yifan’s arm. His notebook is back inside his palms, but no words are being written and his eyes are wandering somewhere else, anywhere, actually other than Yifan’s face so Yifan knocks on the table again to get his attention. 

‘What about the surgery?’ he asks, and this time he doesn't stop Junmyeon from writing his answer down.

_It‘s too risky. And a little too late to perform now._

‘I told you I can help you with the bills--’ Yifan replies; his voice is a little loud and his movement vigorous that it makes Junmyeon visibly flinches. Yifan then takes a deep breath, thinking that he’s being too emotional about this news, especially when Junmyeon himself doesn’t seem to want to really show what he’s feeling about it no matter how turbulent his inside is. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he suddenly says, and to that Junmyeon just shakes his head with a soft smile. Yifan knows what the smile is for.

 _Yifan talks big;_ he himself acknowledges that. And he knows that Junmyeon knows that he’s juggling with two jobs right now -- a food delivery boy by morning and performing at the acoustic bar near their apartment complex in the evening -- and while his financial isn’t at its worst, he’s not at the most comfortable so far. Offering help to someone, no matter how close one is with them should be done within one’s capacity of giving, and Yifan shamefully admits that he’s still not within that capacity.

But Yifan wants to do something for Junmyeon. This kid that he has known since their middle school days; this childhood friend that has been with him as they both grew into the struggling adults that always have questions about the future they are right now has been a huge part of his life, and naturally he would feel somewhat responsible for Junmyeon. _He cares for him._

‘I’m sorry. I spoke without thinking.’ He apologises with his head down, and this time it is Junmyeon’s turn to knock on the wooden table, begging for his attention. Yifan realises that he couldn’t read his lips when he apologised a few seconds ago, and tries to repeat his words but all Junmyeon does is shaking his head again. Of course Junmyeon knew what he was saying, even without him repeating it. 

That’s all that people around him have been saying to his face whenever they realised that he’s different from them. And honestly, Yifan always feels like punching those people in their faces. 

_‘Guitar.’_ Junmyeon finally utters with his awkward, hoarse voice, and makes a gesture as if he’s strumming the strings of a very big guitar that he needs to lean back in his seat to play it right. 

This, finally, makes Yifan chuckle.

*

Junmyeon loves listening to Yifan’s guitar. He doesn’t really have a talent in most musical instruments, and he used to be bitter about it, but whenever he listens to Yifan playing his guitar next door, he forgets about those negative feelings and honestly? He could spend hours watching Yifan with his big hands picking on the strings and perfecting the positions of his fingers for any new chords he’s learning.

Well, at least Junmyeon _loved_ to do it, when he was still able to enjoy it.

There was no pain when it started; it just happened. One day almost a year ago, while he was stacking up the stocks in the storeroom of the convenient store he was part-timing at, he felt like his feet weren’t listening to his command and he lost his balance. He didn’t really think of anything bad at that point of time, though. He remembers blaming it on the late-night shifts he’d been taking for the past week, so on that day he just went home and straight to bed, hoping that he would feel refreshed the next day.

But then it happened again a few days later, while he was sweeping the floor during the end of his evening shift. And then again, when he was walking down the street with Yifan, coming home from their casual ice-cream shopping at 2 in the morning (a tradition they have whenever Junmyeon is staying over for a gaming night). The look of worry on Yifan’s face illuminated by the dim streetlights in the early morning was etched so distinctly inside Junmyeon’s mind that on his next off day, he dragged his mother to their family doctor for a checkup.

Junmyeon didn’t really get the name of the disease the first few times the doctor was saying it. All he registered was that this was just an early diagnosis, and he might not have it at all. But the doctor booked him a session with his ear specialist friend, assuring him that this friend is the best among the best and if he said everything is fine, that means Junmyeon has nothing to be worried about. 

A day before the meeting with the specialist, Junmyeon was sitting alone inside his room doing his own research about the disease mentioned to him by the doctor, trying to get an understanding of it -- checking the symptoms he might have experienced (he checked 8 out 10 boxes on the self-diagnosis form) and reading about possible treatments and how much they would cost him.

Almost half an hour being online and making himself depressed over the possible diagnoses on his condition, the sound of Yifan randomly strumming his guitar woke him up from his misery and Junmyeon was more than thankful to hear it. Inside his head, he could already imagine how Yifan’s long fingers were moving along the strings, and somehow he could also see those hands ruffling his hair; something that he knew yifan would never fail to do every time they meet.

The melody was calming, and because it was not a complete song yet, there were few times Yifan went back to the riff, trying to get it right. It must’ve been a new song if he’s working this hard for it, and Junmyeon almost could hear the enthusiasm in it.

But then Yifan stopped playing (Junmyeon thought Yifan had stopped playing) and he was confused. But he didn’t really think too deeply about it. Maybe Yifan went to answer a phone call--

_Even though Junmyeon didn’t hear his phone ring as he always did, given that their bedrooms are literally next to each other_

\--or maybe he had to rush to the loo,

_But his footsteps were too silent for a big guy like Yifan who loves to run around his own apartment._

Junmyeon then waited for the next 10 minutes in case Yifan wanted to continue playing, and when the 10 minutes was up, he finally decided that maybe Yifan had other, more important things to do than keep on composing the song. He did feel a little disappointed at that, though. 

The visit to the ear specialist was then followed up with a lot of different tests and other consultations, and over the course of almost a month, sometime in the middle of it, Junmyeon stopped dragging his mother along to his checkups and went alone. 

And so he was alone on the day the results finally came back. He remembers that it was a Thursday, because it was a day before his day off and he had asked for an emergency leave from his manager. The old man had been more than understanding, nodding and smiling while saying ‘okay’ and Junmyeon could have cried in front of him while thanking him for that simple gesture. 

At this point of time, the world around him had become a little bit quieter. The bustling main street in front of their neighbourhood had been bothering him less and less as he was trying to sleep at night, and the drip-dropping from the leaking pipe in the kitchen that his mother had yet to fix was almost non-existent, as if it was never there in the first place. 

He thought that these could be the upside to this predicament that had befallen upon him.

Though, the specialist had warned him about it before the results came, so it didn’t come as a surprise. And Junmyeon thought that it only strengthened the initial guess their family doctor had made about his condition, so he wasn’t really affected by it. But thinking how there will be no more Yifan’s silent voice humming wordless songs, or his sometimes clumsy but still beautiful guitar in the background whenever they’re both at home...that hit him. It hit him so bad that he kept on feeling as if a huge block of cold ice was stuck inside his windpipe, couldn’t decide if he wanted to try spitting it out or swallowing it down.

The night he received the news, Junmyeon locked himself up in his room. Yifan was working late until midnight because the acoustic bar was having a private event, and he had reminded Junmyeon from morning to text him once he got the results (Junmyeon obviously didn’t.). 

He didn’t turn the light on, letting himself be enveloped by the silence that filled the inside of his room and his head. The lights from the opposite buildings outside were bright enough for him to see the reflection of himself within the mirror next to his bed, and into the mirror he stared. Looking at his own face; pale, eyes slightly sunken and lips dry, Junmyeon wondered if he should feel sorry for himself. He cupped his right ear – _the one that was already totally quiet by then_ – and forced himself to smile. He couldn’t, so he buried his head in between his knees, holding back his sobs and failing.

It wasn’t until an hour later that he finally heard it again, Yifan’s riff. It was the same song he was playing on the night before Junmyeon’s first appointment with the specialist. This time instead of just hums, Yifan gave a few words to it, but it was all a blur to Junmyeon’s left ear. He could only hear bits and pieces of the melody, but to him that was enough. 

By the time Yifan finally stopped playing it, Junmyeon also had stopped crying. In fact, he was so comforted – be it by the song or by Yifan’s presence itself – that he was already curled up in his bed, dozing off to sleep with traces of tears drying up and flaking down his cheeks.

He did jokingly wish inside his head before he finally lost to sleepiness, that if this was the last song that he could hear, he wouldn’t mind being unable to hear anything and everything around him anymore. 

*

It’s not like Yifan wants to truly give in to this stupid belief, actually. He has his doubts about it. Like, until which level of clarity does the song reach the other person? What about songs that sound pretty similar to each other, sung by two different people, and both songs came from the hearts? Won’t there be a misunderstanding incoming?

Although, whenever he sees Junmyeon foolishly smiling next to him every time he’s practising for his performance at the acoustic bar on the balcony, he keeps on contemplating if he should let Junmyeon listen to the song he had created for his so-called soulmate. It is a song written from his heart, but as a performer himself, he would want to present the best song for his soulmate, if he ever had one.

He knows that they’re both pretty skeptical about this soulmate business. After all, you only have 10% or less chance to actually meet them while you’re still alive. And even if he got to meet them, it’s not like they’re waiting for him like he does for them, right? What if it ruins a perfectly happy family, this soulmate business thing? Junmyeon had once told him that even if his soulmate sang to him, he would probably just ignore it, until he could find a way to verify who that said soulmate is and are they safe to be around with? Will they be okay with him hanging out a little bit too much around this neighbour hyung of his?

A little knock on the guitar’s body brings him back to reality, and Junmyeon’s dark eyes are piercing into Yifan’s, almost making him stumble in his seat. Silently and patiently, Yifan waits for any words that would come out of Junmyeon’s mouth. But Junmyeon just smiles instead, and pulls out his notebook. 

Yifan has never hated a small piece of stationery as much as he hates those tattered pages inside Junmyeon’s hands. 

‘Hey, Junmyeon. Look at me.’ Yifan calls for him, pulling his face softly by the chin to get his attention. Junmyeon looks a bit surprised from the movement, but still let Yifan’s huge hand cradles his face. His eyes are readily placed onto the latter’s lips, focused and attentive. Yifan feels a smile creeping up on his face muscles and threatening him with an incoming smile.

‘Whenever it’s just the both of us…’ he starts slowly, making sure Junmyeon is following. The younger guy nods after a few seconds that feels like forever for the both of them. Yifan lets go of his face and proceeds to pinch his full cheeks.

‘Just use your voice. You know I won’t make fun of you.’

Junmyeon takes another few seconds to register what Yifan had said to him inside his mind, and nods slowly. But still he reaches for his notebook again, yet instead of writing something down, he flips to a page that looks like it’s been written on and scratched away so many times that it’s frayed.

_Play an original song. Your song._

Yifan’s incoming smile suddenly disappears, and he settles for a low chuckle instead.

‘I don’t have an original yet,’ he admits. (He lies.)

Junmyeon makes a confused face, and starts to reach for his pen from inside his pocket to write his question, because he knows Yifan played an original before, he heard it. But then a thought strikes him – _it’s a song for Yifan’s soulmate._ He can’t just let anyone hear it at will, can he? Junmyeon knows that despite of their discussion about soulmates and how stupid it sounds, to find your significant other through a song, Yifan keeps hoping for a soulmate to arrive for himself. His mother found hers, so he must’ve been inspired to find one, too.

_But you heard his song already! Just come clean with him. Only because we’re living next to each other. It was a circumstantial thing. And he has been working on it for a while now, knowing him he’s going to start again from scratch and that’s going to be devastating to know._

Junmyeon’s own voice echoing back to him inside his head, and his face has projected more than ten different expressions as he continues with the bickering.

‘I can play you a cover, though. Presley’s. Would you be okay with it?’ Yifan offers, and Junmyeon, snapped out of his own thoughts nods as fast as he can that he might feel a little dizzy after this. Silently and wordlessly, he palms the end of the guitar’s body where the strumming would reverberate the most. 

_All I have is the vibration now,_ he foolishly thinks, and chuckles to himself. Yifan heard that, but he thinks the better of it and decides to ignore whatever funny thoughts Junmyeon is having inside his mind right now.

Calmly, he starts with the same riff to the last song Junmyeon ever heard months ago. 

_I wrote this riff for you  
_ _It's true_

**_-Phum Viphurit, Softly Spoken._ **

**End.**


End file.
